I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away..

I've never been one to settle down.

Since the day I moved out of my mom's house at 16, I've never been satisfied staying in one place. The longest I've lived anywhere since I've been on my own is 1 full year. I first moved to Santa Barbara, where I moved 4 times in two years before moving to Orange County, where I moved twice. Then I moved to LA. Then I moved home. Then I moved to Santa Barbara again. Now back to Orange County.

I don't know what it is but I'm just not able to be content living the same life day in and day out. Unless I'm emotionally attached to a job (which I have only been once) I want a new one every few months.

I must be a tough person to be in a relationship with because my heart may be in one place but my brain is always dragging me in 10 different directions.

What I'm getting at is I want to move.

I want to move to New York. I want to move back to LA. I want to live in Europe. Should I live in France? Switzerland? Germany? Should I go to New Zealand?

The idea of living in a place I'm totally unfamiliar with, without the crutch of people I know living nearby, is daunting to most but completely tempting for me.

There's a popular belief amongst anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world to truly understand your own.

Go forward in the direction of your dreams

I haven't posted in awhile so there is a lot to update. In an effort to spare you a little boredom I won't go into too much detail, but basically I moved from Santa Barbara to Orange County to pursue a career with Paul Mitchell the School.

Let's compare, yes? I'll be totally candid as this is my "diary" and feel that it's only right.

Before....

Santa Barbara
Worked 5-6 days per week, either for a low hourly rate (doing much more than my job description included, yet didn't get recognition/a raise/a promotion, etc) or nothing at all ("building a clientele".... right.) Vastly underappreciated at work. Ate fast food daily. Lived in old, run down apartment building, in drafty unpainted, unfurnished room. Ugly stained carpet. Gross old cat who made the apartment smell. Roommates stayed in their rooms with the door closed all the time and weren't social. Drank way more than I should. Did lots of drugs. Spent a lot of time around the wrong influences who encouraged said drug/alcohol use. Took surrounding area for granted. Was reminded daily of my ex by things around town and let my heart ache.

.... and now ....

Orange County
Work 5 days a week. Hired on in a leader position right off the bat. Welcomed into company with open arms by all the staff. Paid much more an hour, plus benefits coming soon. Respected. Possibly even overappreciated! Tons of opportunity for growth in the company. Vegan (which also includes steadily dropping pounds despite the fact that I'm not even trying... 7 so far). Living in a really nice house with two awesome girls. And an adorable yorkie and cat. Make new friends almost daily. Seeing a few different eligible bachelors who are super nice to me, and hot. Go out regularly with staff and have a great time. Quit doing drugs completely. Hang around positive, happy people who have direction. Always figuring out fun new things to do. Unaffected by ex and his new realization that he made a mistake and misses me. Basically... MOVING FORWARD!


I KNEW, as I said in a previous post, big changes were up ahead. And here they are. I am so fortunate to have so many positive changes in my life, and great things happening to me. I am working hard to move confidently in the direction of my dreams!


I am happy.

Anxiety Attack? Party of one?

This week has been really anxiety-ridden!

Monday I worked all day, took too long with my clients and missed the color class I was planning on going to, went home and packed, and drove to Orange County. This was all in the midst of a really tumoltuous situation with a certain friend of mine and this irritating game he plays with me.... ugh.

Tuesday I woke up and got ready, had an interview (a BIG one... please cross your fingers for me), and then looked at a bunch of apartments and houses for rent. I also met a really cute guy that I hope to be mentioning in later posts. :) Around midnight I drove back from Orange County to Santa Barbara, got home around 2:30, and went to sleep finally.

Wednesday I woke up at 9 to do my client's hair at 9:30, who was late, and it took me until 12. Then I was on the desk for the rest of the day. And my computer arrived! (exciting) I went home and set it all up and then... my internet wasn't working! Blast. Got a call from www.CoutureCandy.com (which I do styling for every Thursday) telling me that due to the fact that we had over 100 pieces to shoot today (about 4-5 times the normal amount) I needed to come in at 8am instead of 9 to start prepping all the clothes. I then spent a good portion of the evening talking to a certain somebody in OC who once again tempted me to justify staying up way past my bed time, and for the second night in a row got to bed around 2.

Thursday (today) I had to wake up at 7 to be at the office at 8, and arrived early to my surprise. Starting prepping clothes the second I walked in the door, but every time I got something done there was more added to the rack, and thats pretty much how the whole day went until 5:30 when we wrapped. Halfway through the day the makeup artist got a phone call from a photographer she works with a lot asking if she could do hair and makeup for a shoot tomorrow, which she couldn't and passed it on to me (which I am stoked about by the way, don't get me wrong) and made it clear that she is extremely picky (I'm getting there, give me a second). Around 1:30, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend (who I haven't exchanged a word with since before Christmas and have been really good about putting him out of my head ever since) saying that he left my spare car key at my apartment under the mat, which threw me for a loop (he was at my apartment??). Finally got home around 6:45 after frantically running around buying supplies for the shoot tomorrow and also for the 4 makeup appointments I'm doing on Saturday for the wedding (more on that in a second) and for making myself extensions to wear to said wedding (yay!). During the errands and upon arriviving home I bit my tongue through a conversation with my mom, and in between received 5 (yes, 5) phone calls from the photographer for tomorrow. Signed onto myspace to find a really contradictory email in my inbox... interesting. Remembered about the car key and went to retrieve it under the mat, which I found sealed in an envelope that said "Hope you're doing well. Thought I should give this back," and it occured to me how big of an impact seeing someone's handwriting can be. Shudder.

Which brings me to here, where I am sitting and anxiously (emphasis on the first two syllables please) awaiting the next two days: first the photoshoot tomorrow for which I have been given meticulous instructions on how soft she likes the eyeliner to be ('not too hard, but not too soft... and not all the way around..), how contrasty I should go with the eyeshadow, where the blush should be placed on the cheekbone, etc (albeit great instructions, but making me just the tiniest bit edgy about the whole thing) and Saturday's wedding, for which I still do not have a date.... and who to even ask? My options are limited to some kind of strange circumstances and I'm not sure I should even bring someone because of that.... but do I really want to go alone?

Yes, just a little bit anxious.

I will be thrilled when Saturday night arrives and I am partying it up with my coworkers at a lavish wedding (oh! Also my three weeks will be up and I'll get to drink again, hurray!), and Sunday when I meet up with friends at Study Hall to watch the SuperBowl and eat nachos.

(Big sigh of relief pending, stay tuned)

The rest is still unwritten.

I have this feeling that something big is about to happen.

I think its a combination of a lot of circumstances. After a really rough year, I've taken the past few months to regain my balance and composure and now that I've reached an acceptable level of ok-ness it's time for my next step. Another part of it is my unfulfillment in my job; the fact that my eyes are wide open looking for the next positive opportunity that may come along. I'm well aware that my mindset controls my every thought, every action that takes place in my life, and being a very impulsive person my mindset tends to change without a second's notice. So having reached this point where I'm feeling unappreciated doing my full time job, noncommittal about where I'm building a clientele, and overall unsettled about where I am and what I'm doing here, its no surprise that I'm wondering if this is where I belong. On top of all that, I'm in a place right now where I'm not desperately looking for someone, nor am I unavailable, and I'm definitely not just going to jump head first into something I feel so-so about it, but I'd be happy to start something with someone if they were the right person for me. I have room to be picky because I'm not in any rush.

So it feels like something big is on the horizon.... could it be a move? A new job? A boyfriend? Only time will tell.

Today is where your book begins....
The rest is still unwritten.

Every Journey Begins With One Step.

It's just after midnight and newly January 22nd.

I got home a few minutes ago from another weekend out of town, my favorite lately. This one was spent in Orange County and San Diego with friends. The drive back, which as usual took place in the dark on a nearly empty freeway, prompted the usual self reflection period that allows me to clear my head, step back, and take an introspective look at where I am and where I am going.

It's hard, in the midst of life, to look at your position in it objectively and consider if where you are is where is best for you. I realized that above everything else, in the broadest sense, the one thing that is important in my life is to move forward. The last thing I will ever want to be is stagnant. When I come to a point where I feel like i'm standing in one place, doing one thing, and I know that it's getting me nowhere fast, I know its time to make a change.

The more I thought about my life and where I am, the more I realized that I need to make changes in all different aspects - my career, my mindset, the people around me, the way I prioritize the things in my life... and I know that many times my thoughts go by the wayside unless I get them down in solid form.

So here goes. The title of this new blog I think is appropriate - the most fitting translation in Latin for "moving forward."

Promoveo Promovi Promotum.