I think you really come to realize how deeply someone has affected your psyche when you see how effected you are even physically.
its astounding that the mere thought of a person can make my heart beat twice as fast and my stomach turn over. seeing them in person invariably makes me shed much larger amounts of hair than usual. and it may be a complete coincidence, but it seems to me that not seen or had any contact with this person for 5 months literally caused my reproductive cycle to come to a screeching halt, which (again, coincidentally?) only resumed after seeing this person again after all that time. (tmi? sorry.) I saw doctors about it and was told there was nothing physically wrong.... is it actually possible that my self; my mind, body, and spirit, is actually that attached to another human being?
mentally I feel at peace on the subject and have consciously came to a point where I know for certain that he isn't it for me. I just have to wonder how long its going to take the rest of me to follow suit.
this is getting ridiculous.
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Monday, June 18, 2007
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Anxiety Attack? Party of one?
This week has been really anxiety-ridden!
Monday I worked all day, took too long with my clients and missed the color class I was planning on going to, went home and packed, and drove to Orange County. This was all in the midst of a really tumoltuous situation with a certain friend of mine and this irritating game he plays with me.... ugh.
Tuesday I woke up and got ready, had an interview (a BIG one... please cross your fingers for me), and then looked at a bunch of apartments and houses for rent. I also met a really cute guy that I hope to be mentioning in later posts. :) Around midnight I drove back from Orange County to Santa Barbara, got home around 2:30, and went to sleep finally.
Wednesday I woke up at 9 to do my client's hair at 9:30, who was late, and it took me until 12. Then I was on the desk for the rest of the day. And my computer arrived! (exciting) I went home and set it all up and then... my internet wasn't working! Blast. Got a call from www.CoutureCandy.com (which I do styling for every Thursday) telling me that due to the fact that we had over 100 pieces to shoot today (about 4-5 times the normal amount) I needed to come in at 8am instead of 9 to start prepping all the clothes. I then spent a good portion of the evening talking to a certain somebody in OC who once again tempted me to justify staying up way past my bed time, and for the second night in a row got to bed around 2.
Thursday (today) I had to wake up at 7 to be at the office at 8, and arrived early to my surprise. Starting prepping clothes the second I walked in the door, but every time I got something done there was more added to the rack, and thats pretty much how the whole day went until 5:30 when we wrapped. Halfway through the day the makeup artist got a phone call from a photographer she works with a lot asking if she could do hair and makeup for a shoot tomorrow, which she couldn't and passed it on to me (which I am stoked about by the way, don't get me wrong) and made it clear that she is extremely picky (I'm getting there, give me a second). Around 1:30, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend (who I haven't exchanged a word with since before Christmas and have been really good about putting him out of my head ever since) saying that he left my spare car key at my apartment under the mat, which threw me for a loop (he was at my apartment??). Finally got home around 6:45 after frantically running around buying supplies for the shoot tomorrow and also for the 4 makeup appointments I'm doing on Saturday for the wedding (more on that in a second) and for making myself extensions to wear to said wedding (yay!). During the errands and upon arriviving home I bit my tongue through a conversation with my mom, and in between received 5 (yes, 5) phone calls from the photographer for tomorrow. Signed onto myspace to find a really contradictory email in my inbox... interesting. Remembered about the car key and went to retrieve it under the mat, which I found sealed in an envelope that said "Hope you're doing well. Thought I should give this back," and it occured to me how big of an impact seeing someone's handwriting can be. Shudder.
Which brings me to here, where I am sitting and anxiously (emphasis on the first two syllables please) awaiting the next two days: first the photoshoot tomorrow for which I have been given meticulous instructions on how soft she likes the eyeliner to be ('not too hard, but not too soft... and not all the way around..), how contrasty I should go with the eyeshadow, where the blush should be placed on the cheekbone, etc (albeit great instructions, but making me just the tiniest bit edgy about the whole thing) and Saturday's wedding, for which I still do not have a date.... and who to even ask? My options are limited to some kind of strange circumstances and I'm not sure I should even bring someone because of that.... but do I really want to go alone?
Yes, just a little bit anxious.
I will be thrilled when Saturday night arrives and I am partying it up with my coworkers at a lavish wedding (oh! Also my three weeks will be up and I'll get to drink again, hurray!), and Sunday when I meet up with friends at Study Hall to watch the SuperBowl and eat nachos.
(Big sigh of relief pending, stay tuned)
Monday I worked all day, took too long with my clients and missed the color class I was planning on going to, went home and packed, and drove to Orange County. This was all in the midst of a really tumoltuous situation with a certain friend of mine and this irritating game he plays with me.... ugh.
Tuesday I woke up and got ready, had an interview (a BIG one... please cross your fingers for me), and then looked at a bunch of apartments and houses for rent. I also met a really cute guy that I hope to be mentioning in later posts. :) Around midnight I drove back from Orange County to Santa Barbara, got home around 2:30, and went to sleep finally.
Wednesday I woke up at 9 to do my client's hair at 9:30, who was late, and it took me until 12. Then I was on the desk for the rest of the day. And my computer arrived! (exciting) I went home and set it all up and then... my internet wasn't working! Blast. Got a call from www.CoutureCandy.com (which I do styling for every Thursday) telling me that due to the fact that we had over 100 pieces to shoot today (about 4-5 times the normal amount) I needed to come in at 8am instead of 9 to start prepping all the clothes. I then spent a good portion of the evening talking to a certain somebody in OC who once again tempted me to justify staying up way past my bed time, and for the second night in a row got to bed around 2.
Thursday (today) I had to wake up at 7 to be at the office at 8, and arrived early to my surprise. Starting prepping clothes the second I walked in the door, but every time I got something done there was more added to the rack, and thats pretty much how the whole day went until 5:30 when we wrapped. Halfway through the day the makeup artist got a phone call from a photographer she works with a lot asking if she could do hair and makeup for a shoot tomorrow, which she couldn't and passed it on to me (which I am stoked about by the way, don't get me wrong) and made it clear that she is extremely picky (I'm getting there, give me a second). Around 1:30, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend (who I haven't exchanged a word with since before Christmas and have been really good about putting him out of my head ever since) saying that he left my spare car key at my apartment under the mat, which threw me for a loop (he was at my apartment??). Finally got home around 6:45 after frantically running around buying supplies for the shoot tomorrow and also for the 4 makeup appointments I'm doing on Saturday for the wedding (more on that in a second) and for making myself extensions to wear to said wedding (yay!). During the errands and upon arriviving home I bit my tongue through a conversation with my mom, and in between received 5 (yes, 5) phone calls from the photographer for tomorrow. Signed onto myspace to find a really contradictory email in my inbox... interesting. Remembered about the car key and went to retrieve it under the mat, which I found sealed in an envelope that said "Hope you're doing well. Thought I should give this back," and it occured to me how big of an impact seeing someone's handwriting can be. Shudder.
Which brings me to here, where I am sitting and anxiously (emphasis on the first two syllables please) awaiting the next two days: first the photoshoot tomorrow for which I have been given meticulous instructions on how soft she likes the eyeliner to be ('not too hard, but not too soft... and not all the way around..), how contrasty I should go with the eyeshadow, where the blush should be placed on the cheekbone, etc (albeit great instructions, but making me just the tiniest bit edgy about the whole thing) and Saturday's wedding, for which I still do not have a date.... and who to even ask? My options are limited to some kind of strange circumstances and I'm not sure I should even bring someone because of that.... but do I really want to go alone?
Yes, just a little bit anxious.
I will be thrilled when Saturday night arrives and I am partying it up with my coworkers at a lavish wedding (oh! Also my three weeks will be up and I'll get to drink again, hurray!), and Sunday when I meet up with friends at Study Hall to watch the SuperBowl and eat nachos.
(Big sigh of relief pending, stay tuned)
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