I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away..

I've never been one to settle down.

Since the day I moved out of my mom's house at 16, I've never been satisfied staying in one place. The longest I've lived anywhere since I've been on my own is 1 full year. I first moved to Santa Barbara, where I moved 4 times in two years before moving to Orange County, where I moved twice. Then I moved to LA. Then I moved home. Then I moved to Santa Barbara again. Now back to Orange County.

I don't know what it is but I'm just not able to be content living the same life day in and day out. Unless I'm emotionally attached to a job (which I have only been once) I want a new one every few months.

I must be a tough person to be in a relationship with because my heart may be in one place but my brain is always dragging me in 10 different directions.

What I'm getting at is I want to move.

I want to move to New York. I want to move back to LA. I want to live in Europe. Should I live in France? Switzerland? Germany? Should I go to New Zealand?

The idea of living in a place I'm totally unfamiliar with, without the crutch of people I know living nearby, is daunting to most but completely tempting for me.

There's a popular belief amongst anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world to truly understand your own.

So much to write, so little time.

Actually, I have a lot of time. But not time that I feel like committing to writing a detailed description of all the things that have happened as of late.

In some ways I've felt like I've regressed a bit, which as you should know by now is my greatest regret. So, in an effort to live fully in the way I have chosen, I am moving on gracefully and WITHOUT regret (as per Eric.. haha), and I forgive myself for taking a step back momentarily. Was that vague enough for you? There's probably one person on this planet that would know what that was all about, and I hope they understand what that means. I'm sure they do.

On the subject of moving forward, I have just received what may be the greatest news I have gotten in my adult life, at least career related. The backstory is that when I decided to join the PMTS staff it was with the goal of someday being in the admissions department. Said department is responsible for enrollments and recruitement, which breaks down to a mere 80% of the school's revenue. The career path I had figured out for myself was that I would start where I am now, as Service Desk Leader, where I would remain for one year (as per the committment I made when I accepted the position). I would then begin submitting my resume to various schools for the position of Admissions Assisstant, which is normally a 1-3 year position. Eventually my hopes were to be promoted to Admissions Leader, who is solely responsible for the huge percentage of revenue brought in by this department.

The news I received (drum roll please?) was that after my interview a week and a half ago with the Director of Education for PMTS and a day of shadowing the Admissions Leader in our San Diego school, I was offered the position of ADMISSIONS LEADER in our brand new, huge, and beauuutiful Sherman Oaks school! (The same school that is about to be the set of the new Adam Sandler movie about a Jewish boy who wants to be a hairstylist, by the way) And even MORE flattering is that after being offered the position at Sherman Oaks, I was called again and offered the Admissions Leader position in San Diego because I "made such a great impression on them."

So... that was good.

In other news, I'm in a Burlesque Showtroupe which has had one performance already, and two more planned for August 15th (in Hollywood) and August 19th (in Long Beach) and I hope you all come.... ALL of you. Thanks! Because... in a little bit sadder news, I'm going to have to quit once I move to LA. The 15th may actually be my last show.... we'll see. So don't miss it! And if you are interested in coming, I have discounted tickets available! Only a few left so contact me ASAP.

And that's about it!




OOOoooh yeah... and in other news, I have this really awesome friend named Mike Isler. Mike and I met awhile ago while I was living in Santa Barbara and hung out a few times but he moved away to big ol' NYC to pursue a glamorous life as a celeb photog and live in a ridiculously sized apartment just blocks away from the Empire State Building. When he first moved away I was lucky enough to be able to talk to him often on AIM video conference (which you should definitely try if you haven't already) but upon moving to Orange County and finding out that we don't have internet, we have sadly sort of lost touch. I will hopefully get a chance to visit him in New York sometime very soon, that's my goal.... lets say by the end of the year? I'm crossing my fingers.


And that is all. :)

the physical vs the psychological

I think you really come to realize how deeply someone has affected your psyche when you see how effected you are even physically.

its astounding that the mere thought of a person can make my heart beat twice as fast and my stomach turn over. seeing them in person invariably makes me shed much larger amounts of hair than usual. and it may be a complete coincidence, but it seems to me that not seen or had any contact with this person for 5 months literally caused my reproductive cycle to come to a screeching halt, which (again, coincidentally?) only resumed after seeing this person again after all that time. (tmi? sorry.) I saw doctors about it and was told there was nothing physically wrong.... is it actually possible that my self; my mind, body, and spirit, is actually that attached to another human being?

mentally I feel at peace on the subject and have consciously came to a point where I know for certain that he isn't it for me. I just have to wonder how long its going to take the rest of me to follow suit.

this is getting ridiculous.

Go big or go home!

This weekend was definitely a time to do lots of things I make it a practice not to do under normal circumstances.... I guess I'll file it under 'special occasion' and smile to myself about ridiculously fun and scandalous it was.

Vague much?

Go forward in the direction of your dreams

I haven't posted in awhile so there is a lot to update. In an effort to spare you a little boredom I won't go into too much detail, but basically I moved from Santa Barbara to Orange County to pursue a career with Paul Mitchell the School.

Let's compare, yes? I'll be totally candid as this is my "diary" and feel that it's only right.

Before....

Santa Barbara
Worked 5-6 days per week, either for a low hourly rate (doing much more than my job description included, yet didn't get recognition/a raise/a promotion, etc) or nothing at all ("building a clientele".... right.) Vastly underappreciated at work. Ate fast food daily. Lived in old, run down apartment building, in drafty unpainted, unfurnished room. Ugly stained carpet. Gross old cat who made the apartment smell. Roommates stayed in their rooms with the door closed all the time and weren't social. Drank way more than I should. Did lots of drugs. Spent a lot of time around the wrong influences who encouraged said drug/alcohol use. Took surrounding area for granted. Was reminded daily of my ex by things around town and let my heart ache.

.... and now ....

Orange County
Work 5 days a week. Hired on in a leader position right off the bat. Welcomed into company with open arms by all the staff. Paid much more an hour, plus benefits coming soon. Respected. Possibly even overappreciated! Tons of opportunity for growth in the company. Vegan (which also includes steadily dropping pounds despite the fact that I'm not even trying... 7 so far). Living in a really nice house with two awesome girls. And an adorable yorkie and cat. Make new friends almost daily. Seeing a few different eligible bachelors who are super nice to me, and hot. Go out regularly with staff and have a great time. Quit doing drugs completely. Hang around positive, happy people who have direction. Always figuring out fun new things to do. Unaffected by ex and his new realization that he made a mistake and misses me. Basically... MOVING FORWARD!


I KNEW, as I said in a previous post, big changes were up ahead. And here they are. I am so fortunate to have so many positive changes in my life, and great things happening to me. I am working hard to move confidently in the direction of my dreams!


I am happy.

Simple Pleasures

Life is supposedly "all about them" but at the same time it's obviously not about them at all. There are totally basic things that make us happy but if everyone is like me they are the last priority in our lives (I'm fairly sure this is the case).

I realized today that I have such basic pleasures that are very easily entertained. One of them is freezer-cold coffee grinds in the morning. As silly as that sounds, it was the one thing I looked forward to when I opened in the morning at the salon. Scooping those cold, cold coffee beans. We don't keep them in the fridge anymore, apparently they stay fresher if you don't keep them cold. This makes me sad.

Another one is that hot steaminess in the morning.... the feeling of getting a facial just by standing next to the steamer while it's warming up, and picking through all the newly receieved pieces we just got in the mail, ready to be shot.

Today has been a sad day. I have had a string of amazing days (we're talking like a week's worth) and I feel like this might be the end of those... I got fired from www.couturecandy.com today. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, I worked there once a week and it really didn't make much of a difference to my paycheck. But it was something to look forward to each Thursday. It was a time to spend the day with completely different coworkers than I am accustomed to. A chance to learn more about fashion. To build my resume. To meet models. To laugh all day. Bleh.

I liked it. Apparently I didn't work out, like all the other wardrobe stylists they've had in the past. As much as I shouldn't feel like this, it seems like I was hanging out with the cool popular girls and I just got shunned from the group. I wish I wasn't taking it personally.

I guess I'm just not good enough at steaming clothes. Hope I can still stay in touch with the important people, and hold my dignity tight enough to keep it in one piece.

Off to the salon tomorrow for me, though I can assure you that I will be beyond hungover. (Yes, I am blogging highly intoxicated again, and although it seems like I'm able to type, I hope you will keep in mind the backspace key and how much I have used it in the past 20 minutes.... and yes it has taken me roughly that long to write this.)

Sound life advice.

Choose feelings over logic,
adventure over perfection,
here over there,
now over then, and always,

love, love, love.